Loneliness

 

"Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness."
~Dag Hammarskjold

 

This week, I have been learning what loneliness is.

 

I have developed a very good defense mechanism for myself, in the fact that I can block out negative feelings quite easily, and ignore them. Sometimes without even being conscious of them. I have lived in Nicaragua for three months now, and haven't felt the least bit lonely. Until now.

 

It's ironic that I only noticed the dull ache when I was having the first heart-to-heart I've had in a long while, with a new friend from our Spanish school. In that moment, I felt the least lonely and the most heard, but it forced me to remember reality, and that was painful. It was comforting to find someone who felt the same way, who could understand the mixed emotions of picking up and leaving everything you know. Someone who saw behind my mask, and didn't run away. I'm immensely grateful for that, perhaps more than he will ever know.

 

Amid the insecurity, there is something beautiful about this pain. Acknowledging it for what it is has been difficult, but also freeing. Admitting it to myself and to God today, I feel like I have stopped running. And there is beauty in the fact that I can now rest securely in God, and know that even when life feels terrifying, He is always there. He wraps His arms around me, and never lets go.

 

I will never be alone. <3



Photo: alwayslonliness.blogspot.com/2012_07_22_archive.html