Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Always Winter

I've been waiting so long for this day. The very first day of spring. The day when the world would be fresh and warm and new things would grow. The day that welcomes back the birds and buds and blossoms. The mere thought of it is enough to make me want to frolic and dance. I was counting down the days, and eagerly anticipating this day, when a creeping realization came back to me. "Wait a second, I live in Canada. Spring never comes this early." Never has, never will.

I don't usually have this heartache. Most years I remind myself over and over that I can't expect it until at least the end of May. That way I can avoid the ridiculous song and dance that people go through each spring, hoping for warm weather every day, and being crushed when the blanket of snow falls. For some reason this year has been different, though.

I think I can safely blame this one on Nicaragua. When my brother and I both had a week off school, my family visited Nicaragua, to scope it out and see what it will be like to live there. It was wonderful! And beautifully warm. So we all got used to the t-shirt and shorts weather, to seeing green grass and flowers, then we had to retreat back to the snowy prison.

Our winters are too long here, and they drain us of our energy and enthusiasm all too quickly. It's enough to make tears squeeze out of my painfully dried out eyes.

Now I'm not usually one to complain. Okay, maybe I am, but this is serious stuff! It's frightening when you can't find inspiration and beauty anywhere but photographs. I keep imagining Nicaragua, and how my old house used to look in the summertime. There was a giant crabapple tree outside my parents room windows that was breathtaking when it was covered in pink and white blossoms! And I grew strawberries and tomatoes and sunflowers and rhubarb. Our acreage was a perfect haven.

Now, we live in a townhouse, and the view out my window has changed from lilac bushes to a half built garage. This may seem like a small burden to have, and maybe it is, but it weighs on my heart.

The wonderful thing about God, is that no matter how insignificant the hardship may seem to those around me, He knows how I feel and what I personally long for. He cares about the wars and famines of the world and He cares about the dirt on my window pane. That is part of the reason I love Him so much! <3


Sunday, March 3, 2013

Intimate Moments

Life is full of intimate moments. Those moments when no one else is around, and you're alone with your thoughts, or those of pure silence. That moment just before you fall asleep, when you're your most vulnerable. Those moments of grief when you cannot put up a facade. Those moments on a train or in your room or anywhere where no one is watching. This is when your truest self shows through.
Everyone spends these moments differently, and with different people. During times of stress or boredom some like to listen to music, whereas some like to call up a close friend. However you spend these vulnerable moments, you develop an emotional attachment to either the music or the friend or writing, in my case. It makes sense, doesn't it? We like music because it speaks to us and we feel someone understands us. We grow closer to a friend when they are there for us during stressful times. Falling alseep next to someone or waking up beside them makes us feel somehow closer. These intimate moments are what solidify relationships, and this is how we learn where to go when we need someone.
Lately, I've been becoming more and more aware of these moments in my own life. When I fall asleep, I usually listen to music, and it soothes me to sleep. What would happen if we spent all of these intimate moments with God? Think of what a great relationship we could have if we ran to Him in these moments instead of searching for alternatives. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that listening to music or talking to friends are bad things, but I think that in the Western culture we tend to use these small pleasures to replace God. To think that the Master of the Universe could be replaced by a human or a song!
Since realizing this, I've been working on setting aside facebook and youtube when I'm feeling stressed or overwhemed, and just spending one-on-one time with God. After all, He's the one who made me, and all the days of my life are written in His book. He understands me more than anyone because He made me to be like him. We both want to be loved and treasured, we both want someone to be committed and value spending time with us. So it makes sense that we should spend more time together!
I feel so blessed to have a God who is so big and powerful, yet so gentle and loving that He wants to be there in my intimate moments, just Him and I. <3
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